50% droned, 100% pissed

[unasked_for]

[Fenris is having some difficulties today. Part of him is quietly pleased that it's the 4th of July, and that he's going to take his daughter to see the fireworks later...but every time he happens to look in a mirror, or glance down at his arms, he sees the newly regained lyrium brands etched across his skin, and this jolts him out of any such complacent thoughts.

Danarius. The depths of his hate for the man, and his inability to forget him even now, keep reminding him that he doesn't have a daughter, doesn't have any family of any sort, and that he doesn't even know what the 4th of July is. He's an escaped elven slave from another world, no matter how ridiculous that sounds to the half of his mind that considers Mayfield home and stubbornly refuses to be convinced otherwise.

Of course, every time he tries to go about his business, he begins slipping back into that droned complacency until the next moment he sees and remembers. So when he gets on the phones, he's keeping his eyes locked firmly on one arm, on the glowing patterns of the lyrium. These are real. The pain is real. He won't be lured by these pleasant lies.]

This...what new sorcery is this? Is this the Fade, or the town, or am I simply going mad? I keep - forgetting where I am. Who I am.

Comments

[wantasammich.livejournal.com]

Fenris, are you feeling all right? I don't understand what you're talking about...

[KEYWORDS. There's a niggling voice in the back of Hawke's mind telling her that yes, something is very wrong -- but she can't quite place what that might be.]

[unasked-for.livejournal.com]

...Hawke. Do you remember Kirkwall?

[wantasammich.livejournal.com]

Kirkwall? That's...

[Pause. That name definitely bears importance, but...]

No, I don't think so. An odd question to be asking. Is something the matter?

[unasked-for.livejournal.com]

Yes. Everything's the matter. [Not that Hawke can see it, but Fenris is pinching the bridge of his nose.] What of your mother? Your sister? Your home in Hightown?

[wantasammich.livejournal.com]

[Why does the mention of a mother and sister make her feel so... sad and distraught? That doesn't make any sense! Her life is awesome.]

Don't be silly, Fenris! I've lived in Mayfield all my life, just like you.

[unasked-for.livejournal.com]

No, you haven't. Neither of us have. [Fenris feels a...distinct pang of conscience at what he's going to do next, but he feels instinctively that he needs to reach for something powerful to break this spell, however painful. And if there's anything more likely to evoke a strong reaction in Hawke than what happened to Leandra, Fenris can't imagine it.] Your mother, Hawke. Do you recall what happened to her? It was not that long ago.

[justiceis-hard.livejournal.com]

This is... no magic I have ever seen.

[unasked-for.livejournal.com]

...then what is it?

[justiceis-hard.livejournal.com]

I... have utterly no idea.

[unasked-for.livejournal.com]

How comforting. [At least snarking at Anders is comfortingly familiar.]

[justiceis-hard.livejournal.com]

Well... at least you sound slightly more like yourself.

[unasked-for.livejournal.com]

Are you not suffering from it as well? [There's a faintly aggravated tone to Fenris' voice; part of him is annoyed at the thought of his having to fight with this while Anders doesn't, while a small part of him is mildly ashamed for what he recognizes as vindictive thinking. Disliking Anders and his remarkably stupid, shortsighted ideals is one thing; actively wishing misfortune on him, particularly when Anders is trying to help him, is another matter.

Though it's hard to be charitable to any degree, to anyone, while his mind is at war with itself.]